Posts Tagged ‘Mistress’

Before I get started on this one, I would like to mention three small facts:

#1 There is a big difference between being a “Bitch” and being an obnoxious Cunt!

#2 If you have not read “Why Men Love Bitches” by Sherry Argov do so now Ladies. It is vanilla, but oh my Goddess it is delicious and oh so very true!

#3 The Advice given in this Article can be just as simply taken in your regular vanilla relationships of all kinds, but I found it very fitting to D/s “Relationships”.

This has been inspired by the above mentioned book, so I would like to give credit to it with this.

What is a Bitch first of? Well, to many of us the word Bitch is extremely unsavory, it denotes a rude, crude and obnoxious women who is all about herself, constantly complaints, is more then a bit out there and most of the time couldn’t tell her arse from her head because she is so full of herself. She is usually the woman we all hate and despice. For clarification of this Article, I would like to put the word “Cunt” on the description above instead of “Bitch”.

In actually on the quiet the contrary, the Bitch is a real sweatheart. She is classy, never out of step with herself, makes herself a priority but is willing to schedule your needs in on her time table. As Miss Sherry Argov stated in her book:”She is as sweet as a Georgia Peach! Sweet on the outside with a strong inner core!” That is exactly the kind of Bitch I wish to talk about here.

Here are some CORE STRENGTH Benefits for being a Bitch.

1. She is NEVER DEPENDENT on anyone but herself. When you continue your own independence, nobody else can dictate to you how you spend your money or your time. You won’t have to tolerate unsavory characters in your life, people who are ignorant in your eyes, or even worst yet who disrespect you on a personal level. A Bitch, due to her independence has a choice to ALLOW YOU to be part of her consciousness or not. With other words, you have to have value to her, or you are out of there. This goes very well with D/s and especially financial domination. I never but all my eggs in one basket, my sources of income are varied so no matter what happens I have never to depend on a submissive to tribute me. I learned the hard way over my years online, that you can not trust the words of those whose face you can not see. It is wonderful when the adoration happen as promised, on time etc., but I NEVER DEPEND on it or anyone else to do what they promise to me.

2. She knows her worth and doesn’t need to run after anyone!
I am to be wooed, not to woe. I am to be pursued, not to pursue. I am sorry Ladies, but I don’t belief in the feminist movement. It has caused us more damage when it went to far, then it did us good. Yes, the beginning reasons were valid and needed to be fixed, but then it simply went to far. We didn’t give it equal rights, we simply gave the guys freedom to act like Assholes. Personally, I have to say that there isn’t one guy out there who I am willing to run after. The statement men love to give so often is “There are plenty of fish in the Sea!” works well for me. As D/s standard, it looks stupid to me when I as a Goddess have to run after every Tom, Dick & Harry, be on every profile as Friend without even talking to them, or be everyone’s “Buddy” to be adored. When I read the Forum Posts on SPAM Emails and how the NEW MEAT is being attacked here the moment they join, it makes me sick. What in blazes is wrong with you, do you not think you have enough worth to be discovered on your own merit? You are not a Hamburger, you don’t have to have 1 Million Served. Besides honestly all you are doing is give the guys a big head. OH wow, check her out. I am must be really worth a lot, she is so desperate to have me. Ehm, NO THANK YOU! As much as it completes me as a Goddess to have worthy, loyal and yes tributing subs *since it is one of my turn ons after all and yes makes my life easier – isn’t that the point partially?*, that sub DOESN’T HAVE TO BE YOU! You will woe me, pursue me, convince me that I should give you my time, my mind, my smile, my grace and not the other way around. I AM NOT CHEAP NOR FREE! You have to work to get me and believe it or not Ladies, when they do, they will value YOU a lot more too. Fly bys don’t get “Getting to know you free time either!” Sorry, too old for the kindergarten games. Seriously ….guy speech and female speech are different. LEARN IT!

3. She is never fully comprehensible!
Just when they thought that they figured you out, had you all nice and wrapped up in a nutshell, you change just a little on them. I am not talking about completely changing your attitude, ways of thinking your core being should never completely change, but you should not be afraid to grow, develop, evolve and simply become a greater even better you. When you become to predictable, it only breeds boredom and they will try to test you. Know that EVERY MALE will sooner or later try to test you and if they see you as someone they can manipulate, will lose respect for you. “I just want to be your FRIEND!” Translation, I really like you, I can always be there to cry on your shoulder, but you are just not good enough to serve. OH but you will due when MY MISTRESS or the person I run after had enough of my shit for a while. Then I come to you!” Sorry darlings, no dice! When they can figure you at that well, that you will actually be dumb enough to fall for this, then you need to switch it up a bit.

4. She doesn’t need you, you need her!
Take a note of who is left wanting. If you have a sub who is constantly too busy with other things to “pencil” you in or to serve you, he isn’t about you. He is all about himself and in his own mind you are just an adult entertainer there to provide a service when he feels like serving. Those to me are more the fetishists and fly by boys. LOL do you still blame me for my Pay to Play POLICY with them? Why treat them differently, they don’t pay me anymore respect then that. It is a Business Arrangement that works well for both sides. I won’t get too attached to you, get aroused by the play time while I drain your wallet and you get to pretend for just a moment that you are actually really serving a Lady of Class and Style. My subs with which I am building a relationship over time or have done so and they suddenly disappear from the face of the earth, of course receive more care. I will send a few (normally never more then 5) messages through to see what is going on with them. I am worried, since most of them are far away from me. However, if after the 5th and LAST MESSAGE from me I don’t get an “update”, then it ends there. You have chosen to break contact with me, good luck and don’t let the door hit you on the way out. As much as I enjoy you, I don’t need you! Money, amusement, entertainment, submission, conversation, I can get from anyone. Sorry honey, it was nice knowing you. There is nothing worst for male then knowing just how little the lady actually needs him.. I may want you, but I don’t need you!

5. My Stress is my stress, but I won’t stress over you!
I am human, a divine natured human, but never the less human. Sadly I will have problems, stress, bills etc like every other breathing human being. Get over yourself if you think that Goddess’ don’t deal with real life. Get an education in reality, often we have enough real life issues to deal with on top of your lame shit. LOL. My stress is my stress, but what I won’t stress about is YOU. I don’t have enough time or energy, no intend to add you to my list of stress factors. If you become more stress then joy to me, you are gone! Period!!!! Problems arise and should be talked out in an adult and mature manner. If you think you can pout at me like a kid, if you think you can bully me around, if you think you can threaten me with living, then don’t let the door hit you on the way out. If you have legit issues to discuss with me, then I will listen. I will think them over and then I will tell you what my intake on it is. We can either come to a mutually satisfactory agreement, or we can part ways. Again, some are with you for a season, some for a day and others for a lifetime. A subs responsibility is to eliminate stress from my life, not to add to it.

6. My time is valuable and my Time is my Time – I am in control of it!
How often have you seen guys come to you and DEMAND that you give them of your valuable time. They want it for free, they want it now and they really are just about themselves. In D/s as well as in vanilla. I will not and can not be bullied. If you make an appointment with me, you have 10 minutes to be there. After 10 minutes of you being late, you have a minus point against you and I may never give you another appointment with me. That goes for real time, online or phone. My husband has been taught early on by me that if you run late to a meeting you better call me and let me know, because I will be gone if you are late without a heads up. If you are stuck at work, in a car accident, stuck in traffic, then you let me know. But if you just simply forgot, left too late or thought I would wait for you …. NO! I will give you as much time as I see fit. I am a very busy lady and I work a lot. Let’s take a poll, how many of you work out of your house and are freelancers? How many of you work anywhere from 10 to 16 hours a day every day? How many of you would like to be paid for your time when it is that short already? I see this a lot… But I am giving you of my time too! Yes, you are and thank you for visiting me. But who came to whom here and who is claiming he wants to serve me? Who is it again that is asking for whose time? MMMM. I am sorry, but that old excuse won’t fly with me. Now if I am not busy, feel generous then maybe. Oh and the first time I see a fly by stop by and tell me…Oh just dropping by to say hello and how are you and then think I am going into a long conversation, good luck with that one too. My response. “I am fine thank you for asking and yourself? Oh good, now what can I do for you today?” You have 10 seconds to get my interest and if it doesn’t involve serving me since you are not one of mine and you never will be, then it better be damn good!

7. She can still laugh at herself!
A sense of humor folks can cure a lot of illnesses. I can laugh about a lot of thinks in my life, trust me my laughter saved my life more times then not. What I never find a laughing matter however and neither should you, is disrespect, liars, and those who set out to destroy your reputation. The laughter stops here. And that goes for both genders. If you claim to be my friend, then you better behave as it. I don’t need false friends any more then I need subs. I would love to have them, but I don’t need them. Trust me I do enough stupid shit all day long to keep myself laughing for hours.

8. She is worth more then you can ever phantom!
She is a wonderful woman, smart, intelligent and beautiful in her own rights. She doesn’t feel like she has to act as if she is better then everyone else. Being herself and being glorious is enough for her. She doesn’t need your approval, nor does she need to put another person down just to make herself look better in everyone elses eyes. She doesn’t know everything, but she knows she can learn everything she sets her mind to. She is a Goddess and a Queen in her own Realm, but she is also kind, loving and generous. She won’t talk you out of a compliment, but accept it graciously. Why not? She is a wonderful person. She won’t compete with other females. If you can’t see how wonderful she is, then oh well go somewhere else. She didn’t want you anyways. Can take her “sub” or “honey” away from her? Sure you can, because she won’t even try to fight to keep him. If he is that fickle why would she want him to begin with? After all, he will leave the next on and the next one. Cheaters will always be cheaters and she doesn’t have time in her life for HIS DRAMA!

9. She has other interests besides you!

NOTE: As always this material is copyright to me. So if you would like to post it somewhere else, be certain to link it back to the original post and give me the credit for it. The above named book is available via Amazon.com so take a look at it and please use one of my affiliate buttons. You save money and I get a kick back. Thank you! If you are part of MFDS you will see this Article posted there as well in the Goddess Bella Donna’s BDSM & Fetish Classroom. Yes I cross posted it is ok!

No matter how much you care for another human being, no matter how much you try, there may come a time when you just have to accept that you are no longer compatible. This is a reality regardless if you are in a vanilla relationship or a D/s relationship.
Considering how much effort you have to pure into a D/s relationship, the honesty that is a requirement for both partners and often the “us against the world” attitude you have to adept in a day by day walk, breaking a D/s Relationship can be even harder then you first imagine.

The first issue both ends may be feeling is the guilt and feeling of responsibility for each other. After all you still care for that person you have connected with so deeply, but you have simply started going different directions. That can often happen when one of the partners can no longer handle the lifestyle for physical or emotional reasons. If one has started to get entirely too extreme then the other can handle. If the dominate has lost their personal power due to outside influences and in some cases due to outside influences. The memories of wonderful times shared are there, but the reality only makes those memories cause for depression. In most cases one or both sides is trying to hang on as long as they can. Remember that a D/s relationship is just like a “marriage’ in a sense only much deeper and more involved on both sides. A good dominate has learned to read the very breathing, the flinches, the way their submissives body is held and knows what that person needs. A submissive often by that point has learned to read the lift of the eyebrow, the look in the eyes, the slightest hand movement to understand what is required of him/her. That is not something you will find in most vanilla relationships.
The thing to remember here is that your first priority should be that your partner is happy and staying in an unsatisfactory or even toxic relationship is never good. Remember that there is a big difference between being submissive and co-dependent.

The misunderstanding that just because you are owned you can not undo the relationship.
No matter how restrictive your Rules are, as a Slave / Property you retain one right regardless. That is the right to leave the relationship. If you feel that you can no longer handle the place of servitude you are in and you need to remove your collar or ask to be released, your Owner may make sure you are certain you want to take that final step, but can not stop you from doing so. Likewise your Owner can dismiss you out of service if he/she feels you are no longer within your servitude or he/she can no longer fulfill their responsibilities as your Owner. If your Owner tries to stop you, you don’t walk you better run out of this relationship. Financial domination is no different in that fact. One of my Priests has asked me to release him from my service and the only answer he received was; “Are you certain that is what you want? This is final!” His answer was a yes and I released from my site and my service. Blessings on your journey little one.

Once you have ended the relationship, I advise you not to jump right of the bet into the next one. Of course if you are a His/Harem Keeper you may not find that so difficult, but it is still not advisable to try to replace the missing person right of the beginning. There comes a natural period of sorrow, doubt if you could have done better etc. (I am talking about longstanding relationships here and mostly real time as well). A word to the submissives – please don’t think just because you have been trained by your former Owner that you are not trained. If you find a new Mistress/Master in time, you will have to undergo a new training process. Often it is more difficult to train someone that has been in for a while and has already been owned before. Instead of a new clean slate, you at times have to undo some habits and thought patterns that you as the new Mistress may not find so pleasing.

Do not talk “shit” about your former partner unless of course their has been honest abuse. In that case I hope you warn anyone that is even thinking about taking that person on. However I see that a lot with broken relationships. Just because it did not work out for your, doesn’t mean that the person is a bad person suddenly. You have simply grown apart. Remember the good times and appreciate the devotion you have shared.

Allow yourself a time of reflection! Sit back and don’t ask your “friends” what they think. Your friends were not there 24/7 with you and they will often have jaded opinions. Look first to yourself and examine what has brought you to this place. Take time to understand your needs, fears and experiences. I always advise those beginning in BDSM to be brutally honest with them-selves. You should never hide your real nature from yourself, even if it scares and shocks you. If you can’t embrace who you are, nobody else we be able to do so either. If part of the reason you have lost your relationship was that you have noticed yourself more drawn to towards the opposite side (slave to Dom and reversed) don’t be too hard on yourself. Understand that there may be some in the future who will try to make your new to you orientation less legit because they consider them-selves “natural born” , but allow me my 2 cent opinion on that one please. Nobody is naturally born anything. You may have tendencies towards one end or the other, but in the end you will be at best “re-born” into your-self as you mature in age and experience. BDSM is a lifetime of learning and nobody is ever completely done.

Stay away from negative influences. At this stage you are most easily influenced and brought down. Yes even Dominates can suffer after a break up. Remember that we are People as well and not some sort of heartless milking machine that just wants to suck you dry. Right now you need neither falsely sweet “Friends” nor negative nellies.

Don’t jump the gun on breaking up. Remember that every relationship goes through some tough times. D/s is no different, matter of fact because of its intensity I would consider it even more likely. Communication between adults is never easy and depending on the “mentality” of the sub and Dom it can be often even more difficult, which is a shame. When communications break down in a D/s relationship it is often much more dangerous then in a vanilla relationship. In a D/s physical “hardships” are often part of the scene, not to mention the mental retraining of the submissive. So if you feel that D/s relationship fall or stagnate it is time for “free conversation” , with other words….”May I speak freely Ma’am!” Or slave it is time to speak freely!

If it can’t be fixed, don’t linger! Just staying around and hoping things will change again is futile after an extended period of time. If the issues have persisted and even gotten worst after several months and you are now instead of looking forward to being in your place hate the very thought of it, then please take the walk of honor. With other words, be truthful, respectful and depart.

D/s relationships can last a lifetime, but like all others many don’t. Don’t beat yourself up if they come to an end, but behave as honorable as that title you are carrying. Remember that being a submissive or a dominate is something that is done with honor and integrity. It is a way of being, not a title you slip on or off.

Thank you for reading this lengthy Article!