There are a lot of submissives / slaves out there who have tried to live a normal vanilla life and find that something is missing in their existence. They try their best (or better try their best) to not break their wedding vows, but simply find that there is a space deep inside their psyche that needs to be filled, and sadly they either discovered their need for submission too late, or thought that it was something they could ignore. In those cases, this submissively inclined male may look outside of his marriage for a powerful and knowledgeable Domme to train and use him.

In many cases they may request the time and “services” of a Pro-Domme and have the mistaken idea that since they pay for the time of the Lady in question, they now can call the shots. For kinky Escorts that may work very well and she can simply concentrate on filling this gent’s fantasy and make her money at the same time, but for an actual Domme this would not work out well. In my case, it would not be possible for you to gain an appointment with me if you have the mistaken idea of serving me only on your terms. I am a lifestyler who has chosen to make part of her living via her passion and craft. I am not unfeeling and will tailor your sessions with me to your area of interests, which will not make a big difference to me, since I only take sessions, which fall under my interests to begin with. What I will not allow you to do however, is make demands and/or allow you to top from the bottom. There is a big difference between bringing something I need to know to my attention, using a safety out when necessary and being a pain in the ass wanna be sub who thinks he runs the show.

Less often a married sub may try to find a Domme whom he will see on a regular base, and has a service oriented D/s relationship interest in. Here you need to set very strict guidelines to ensure the sanctity of his marriage vows is not preached. For example, sexual service is never to be part of this, in my opinion, since his vanilla sex life is taken care of rightly by his Wife. I find it disturbing when a married submissive or a married Domme (whom are not married to each other) participate in sexual intercourse with each other. Unless everyone, meaning the sub and his wife, the Domme and her husband, have sat down together and have openly and honestly discussed this and an agreement was made by all. Obviously, that happens extremely seldom!

How can you take a married submissive on then without causing extreme difficulties in his marriage? Well, first of you need to see the mindset of the particular submissive in question. Learn the difference between a lousy cheating husband who is only looking for a bit of diversion because his ass is bored in his marriage and he isn’t really even remotely submissive, and a submissive male who somehow trapped himself in a marriage that can not fill his submissive nature.

So how can you tell the difference and which submissive should you as an honorable Domina give the opportunity of service to?

How does he talk about his wife to you?
A submissive male, especially one that is interested in serving a powerful Goddess, would never bad mouth his wife to you. In many ways, she is his Goddess already but sadly doesn’t have the attributes, interests or personality it would take for him to become her slave. He doesn’t want to hurt or harm her, and often times it causes him a certain amount of guilt feelings that he is stepping outside of his marriage bond to come to you. A submissive male will speak honestly and openly to you about his wife and his children if there are any and matter of fact often times with a large amount of respect and pride. A married submissive often prefers for the Goddess to be married as well, so that there is never any chance she will get attached beyond their agreement. He is not looking to replace his wife, only to fill a void. Be aware that a lot of guys have learned from reading how to fake those sentiments, so you need to really ask questions and see how they react to your questions and if they have staying power in their story. Remember that Liars will lose track eventually of the lies they tell.

A submissive will want to have a ground rule of setting his family first and will not serve a Goddess who thinks that she comes before his family. Remember that if he in time furthers himself to become your slave, you will be of equal importance in his life, but never more important then his family whom he swore fealty to. If that bothers you as a Goddess, you should never even consider taking on a married submissive.

Understand that with a married submissive your scene / play time and service as a financial submissive is limited as well. Never place him in the situation to where he can not provide for his family first. That usually goes just as much for a single sub, but even more so for a married one, since he is responsible for more than just his own person.
Since this is largely about financial domination, I will put it even more geared towards this particular fetish. Make certain that he understands that by serving you, he is now taking on the responsibility to be loyal to both “Goddess’s” in his life.

A married submissive comes with a lot of “handicaps” but also a lot of benefits. Don’t see the wife as your enemy, but rather as your “friend”. Remember, that she really is in many ways the innocent victim in this drama, and so you need to make certain she remains happy as well.

A married submissive is not for every Domina. If you are “ALL ABOUT ME!” type, please skip on them. You are holding not only one life but often multiple ones in your hand and have to have the integrity and honor it takes to make it work.

The married sub, who already no longer cares about his marriage, and is in many ways on the way out of the relationship. You can tell how he will talk about his wife as well. He still shows respect in his speech and has many good things to say about her, but he just can’t do it any more. His need to submit is taking over. At that point you need to make a choice if you want to get involved into this or not. You will have drama! Lots and lots of Drama and you can potentially get into a deep issue with the guys wife, on the other hand you can save the marriage as well if you know how to once again “spice up” their marriage, without her even realizing it. Remember that as a Domina, you are also a psychologist in many ways. You need to know and understand the inner working of your submissives. Learn to use that knowledge for your own agenda, but also to advance his life.

What not to allow! NEVER let him use his marriage as an excuse why he can’t tribute, why he can’t serve etc. He needs to understand from the beginning that you will not play his games. Rather agree upon a smaller and regular tribute, a longer period of time in between contacts etc. Be creative in your assignments so his wife can be included and maybe even feel a bit more loving towards him.

Which sub can you give a chance? A mature and honorable submissive. Try your best to stay away from the younger punks. They really are not into this. If however you have a submissive that has been married for 20 + years already to the same lady, you can give it a go. Don’t take a newly wed sub on! EVER! You will destroy that marriage in a heartbeat. Make sure that the submissive is not borderline broke all the time. With other words if he already struggles to pay his families bills, has to force his wife to work two jobs just to make ends meet, don’t walk away. RUN AWAY!

Remember this is financial domination included here, so make certain he has his own play money and is not forced to take it out of the household. As far as I am concerned, I will take financial submissives play money without any mercy, if he is really into pushing it I may allow him once in a great while to push his finances a little as long as he can cover them safely.

There are many more things to keep in mind, but this is a good beginning rule!

As always this writing is copyright and if you wish to post it on your blog etc, please make certain to give me credit for it and a link back to me. Thank you!

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